(hushwave) - 治愈它

by b e g o t t e n 自杀

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Poladroid thumbnail
Poladroid beautiful music to feel to. Favorite track: (ghost) - 鬼白.
I am Fflwcs
I am Fflwcs thumbnail
I am Fflwcs This is their best. A swirly, hypno stereo stream - beaming straight from Twin Peaks. Favorite track: (invisible) - 无形.
strawberrystation thumbnail
strawberrystation Lulls you into a false sense of depressive security, then BAM! - Andrew Gold comes out of nowhere and steals the bloody show. Well memed, my friend. Well memed... Favorite track: (hidden) - 隐藏.
zhaccy thumbnail
zhaccy b e g o t t e n 's story keeps getting more and more interesting as the music comes out. this album features a more heartfelt and uplifting tone, but has the same notes of deepness and sorrow seen in his/her/their last album.

will we ever figure out the true identity of b e g o t t e n? are they alive? i have so many questions lol Favorite track: (insomnia) - 失眠.
violet moon
violet moon thumbnail
violet moon so atmospheric and smoky. Could dream all day to this album. Would also LOVE a vinyl or second run of this please! Favorite track: (pain) - 翅膀.
Dagro thumbnail
Dagro The soothing sounds of suffering and depression. Favorite track: (pain) - 翅膀.
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  • Limited Edition Cassette - Ghost Blue
    Cassette + Digital Album

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The next release in the b e g o t t e n 自杀 saga is here: (hushwave) - 治愈它


This release was a little unsettling to me at first. It takes a different direction than the first album, in that, it achieves being both more haunting and creepy, while at the same time being more beautiful and relaxing. It seems that this release uses all female vocal samples, which adds to the airy and ghost-like soundscapes it creates. The songs conjure a thick fog of atmosphere and uncertainty, vaporous in its release, like the depiction on the cover.

I believe this album is a perfect culmination of what the artist was trying to get across with their tag "hushwave" that I have never heard before.

This poem was given with the release:

"A step too far and I find my way
Falling to my knees because the emptiness remains
The lights are so bright, I must close my eyes
I indulge once more as tears fall and she cries

Life is a burden I cannot bear
The barrel of a gun, a blank-eyed stare
Razor blade on the mantle, a cup full of pills
I tried everything once but nothing fulfills

Scars on my arms, self-mutilation, perhaps
I could get out of bed now, but rather take another nap

Scared to death of death itself and nowhere to turn
I hope I find solace before it's too late to learn."

Along with this quote, which can be found in one of the songs:

"Wish I could write songs about anything other than death."

And this text:


I have tried many times to contact b e g o t t e n 自杀 by email, even at the cost of spamming the original email address from which the albums were sent. I have yet to receive an email reply. I thought all hope was lost in ever contacting this person again. That is, until I got a letter in the mail just three weeks ago.

The envelope was a beige color in lieu of the traditional white and the address, both sending and return, was printed from what seemed to be a type-writer. It felt heavy to be only a letter. I had no idea who it was from, as the sender's name was typed as "B. D. W." and the address was from somewhere in the middle of Georgia (the state, not the country) I will not be giving away any addresses as I don't wish to dox anyone, but this address seemed to have significance -more on this in a bit.

I went back into my apartment and opened the envelope, curious, but thinking nothing of it. But what was inside sent shivers down my spine; another envelope. This one was badly damaged. The addresses were written in red ink, and the return address? Baku, Azerbaijan. I nearly dropped the envelope, I was so excited. I carefully cu tit open, using a knife. My hands were shaking. Inside, there was a single card, thicker than paper. It read "You're Invited," in big cursive letters, like something you would get at a Hallmark. Below, there looked to be a fingerprint in red ink, or possibly blood. An address was given, again, in Georgia. At the botton, scribbled hastily was the word begotten.

And that was it. No date. No details on what I was being invited to.

Quickly, I pulled up google on my computer and looked up the first address, on the outer envelope. That was when I got a little scared. The address was a state mental institution in the state of Georgia. The building looked old and worn down, but according to google, it was still active. My breathing shortened and I had to pinch myself. Was I in the middle of a horror movie or something? Some kind of prank?

Next, I looked up the address from the "You're Invited" card and nothing came up at all. I searched for a while to no avail and decided to download Google Earth. I pulled up the exact address and zoomed in to find a small graveyard with several mausoleums in central Georgia. I looked back at the card and decided that it was definitely blood leaving the fingerprint, not red ink.

So now I am still considering what could possibly be going on with b e g o t t e n 自杀 and have narrowed it down to some options:
1. Someone is pranking me from the start. This is all a hoax and they are fucking with me.
2. Someone just started pranking me after the first release. They saw the first story and are now trying to feed off of the mystery to try and trick me.
3. b e g o t t e n 自杀 is actually someone living in Georgia, possibly in the mental institution. They used the Azerbaijan address as a decoy.
4. b e g o t t e n 自杀 is actually in Azerbaijan and is for some reason using this person in Georgia as a middleman. They sent them the original letter, which was then forwarded to me in another envelope.

Again, these are just some possibilities that I am trying to wrap my mind around. At this point, any of them, or NONE of them, could be true and the truth could be something else entirely. If anything, this recent development has at least revigorated my hope that b e g o t t e n 自杀 is still alive soemwhere. Do I have the blood tested for DNA? Do I dare go to either of the addresses in Georgia? Do I try to find someone to go their for me? (it is quite far from where I live in North Dakota) Right now I am still considering my options.

I will continue to release these albums. They still speak to me on a deep level, and I hope others can get something out of them as well.
So for now, sit back, relax, and enjoy (hushwave) - 治愈它 by the mysterious b e g o t t e n 自杀

Music Video #1:

Music Video #2:


released June 11, 2018

GEO - 010


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Geometric Lullaby

A collection of songs about life and death.

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